Definitions from The College Dictionary

Cafeteria:

From 2 Latin words, "cafe" meaning place to eat and "teria"
meaning to wretch.

Major:

Area of study that no longer interest you.

Student Athlete:

See "contraction in terms."

Grade:

Unrealistic and limited measure of academic accomplishment.

Summer School:

A viable alternative to a summer job.

Quarter:

The most coveted form of currency on campus.

Hunger:

Condition produced by five minutes of continuous studying.

One of the nation's largest soup manufacturers announced today
that they will be stocking America's shelves this week with their
newest soup creation, "Clinton Soup", that will honor one of the
nation's most distinguished men.

It consists primarily of a small weenie in hot water.