A man in Florida, in his 80s, calls his son in New York one
November day.

The father says to the son, "I hate to tell you, but we've got
some troubles here in the house. Your mother and I can't stand
each other anymore, and we're getting a divorce. I've had it! I
want to live out the rest of my years in peace. I'm telling you
now, so you and your sister shouldn't go into shock later when I
move out."

He hangs up, and the son immediately calls his sister in the
Hampton and tells her the news.

The sister says, "I'll handle this."

She calls Florida and says to her father, "Don't do ANYTHING till
we get there! We'll be there Wednesday night."

The father agrees, "All right."

He hangs up the phone and hollers to his wife, "Okay, they're
coming for Thanksgiving. Now, what are we going to tell them for
Christmas?"

A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic
condoms. Clearly impressed, he buys a pack. Upon getting home he
announces to his wife the purchase he just made.

"Olympic condoms?" she blurts, "what makes them so special?"

"There are three colors," he replies, "Gold, Silver and Bronze."

"What color are you going to wear tonight?" she asks cheekily.

"Gold of course," says the man proudly.

The wife responds wryly, "Why don't you wear Silver? It would be
nice if you came second for a change!"