A rather confident man, walks into a bar and takes a seat next to
a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then
casually looks at his watch for a moment.

The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"

"No", he replies, "I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and
I was just testing it."

The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so
special about it?"

"It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me," he explains.

"What's it telling you now?"

"Well, it says you're not wearing any panties."

The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken then,
because I am wearing panties!"

And the man starts tapping on the watch face and says, "Damn
thing must be an hour fast!"

Late one night at the insane asylum one inmate shouted, "I am
Napoleon!"

Another one said, "How do you know?"

The first inmate said, "Because God told me!"

Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did NOT !!