Q: How do blonde braincells die ?

A: Alone.

Q: How do you brainwash a blonde?

A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down.

Q: How do you change a blonde's mind?

A1: Blow in her ear.

A2: Buy her another beer.

Q: How do you measure a blonde's intelligence?

A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!

Q: How do you get a blonde pregnant?

A: Come in her shoes and let the flies do the rest.

Q: How do you get a blonde to marry you?

A: Tell her she's pregnant.

Q: What will she ask you?

A: "Is it mine?"

Q: How does a blonde kill a fish?

A: She drowns it.

Q: A blond going to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat?

A: Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.

Q: How do you amuse a blonde for hours?

A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper

Q: How does a blonde hold her liquor?

A: By the ears.

Q: How does a blonde moonwalk?

A: She pulls down her panties and slides her ass along the floor!

Q: Why are only 2% of blondes touch-typists?

A: The rest are hunt'n peckers.

Q: What do you call a blond mother-in-law?

A: An air bag.

Q: Why are blonde's coffins Y-shaped?

A: Because as soon as they are on their backs, their legs open.

Q: Why should you never take a blonde out for coffee?

A: It's too hard to re-train them.

Q: What do blondes do for foreplay?

A: Remove their underwear.

Q: What's the mating call of the blonde?

A: "I'm *sooo* drunk!"

Q: What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?

A: (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"

Q: What's the mating call of the brunette?

A: "All the blondes have gone home!"

Q: What's a brunette's mating call ?

A: Has that blonde gone yet?

Q: What is the brunette's mating call?

A: When is that blond bitch going to leave!?

Q: What's the mating call of the redhead?

A: "Next!"

Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?

A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday.

Q: What is the blonde doing when she holds

her hands tightly over her ears?

A: Trying to hold on to a thought.

Q: Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours?

A: Because it said 'concentrate'.

Q: Why don't blondes have elevator jobs?

A: They don't know the route.

Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week?

A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?

A: It's difficult to open the legs of an ironing board.

Q: What is foreplay for a blonde?

A: Thirty minutes of begging.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a broom closet?

A: Only two men fit inside a broom closet at once.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a phone booth?

A1: You need a quarter to use the phone.

A2: Only one person can use the phone at once.

Q: What does the Bermuda Triangle and blondes have in common?

A: They've both swallowed a lot of semen.

Q: What did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless Ming vase?

A "It's OK Daddy, I'm not hurt."

Q: How does a blonde commit suicide?

A: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.

Q: How do you plant dope?

A: Bury a blonde.

Q: Why did god give blondes 2% more brains than horses?

A: Because he didn't want them shitting in the streets during parades.

Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?

A: Wave to her.

Q: How does a blonde measure his/her IQ?

A: With a tire gauge! (da da dum)

Q: How does the blond turn on the light after she has had sex?

A: She opens the car door.

Q: How does a blonde get pregnant?

A: And I thought blondes were dumb!

Q: How does a blonde part their hair?

A1: (Action of scissoring legs apart)

A2: By doing the splits.

Q: How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle?

A: Shine a torch in her ears.

Q: How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm?

A1: She drops her nail-file!

A2: Who cares?

A3: She says, "Next".

A4: The next person in the queue taps you on the shoulder.

A5: He's had his clothes for about 2 minutes.

A6: I mean, who really cares?

A7: The batteries have run out.

Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?

A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.

Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?

A: (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno!

Q: How do you kill a blonde?

A: Put spikes in their shoulder pads.

Q: How do blondes pierce their ears?

A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads.

Q: How does a blonde like her eggs?

A: Unfertilized.

Q: How do you drown a blond?

A1: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.

A2: Don't tell her to swallow.

A3: Leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.

Q: How do you tell if a blonde did your landscaping?

A: The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.

Q: How does a blonde high-5?

A: She smacks herself in the forehead.

Q: How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots?

A: Flattered.

Q: What do you call a blonde with ESP and PMS?

A: A know-it-all bitch.

Q: What's the difference between a counterfeit dollar and a skinny blonde?

A: One's a phony buck.

Q: What's the difference between a chorus line of blondes and a magician?

A: A magician has a cunning array of stunts.

Q: What is the best blonde secretary in the world to have?

A: One that never misses a period.

Q: What does a blonde think an innuendo is?

A: An Italian suppository.

Q: Why doesn't a blondes guts fall out of her twat when she stands?

A: Because the vacuum in her head keeps them in place.

Q: What's the difference between having sex with a blonde and eating Jell-o?

A: Jell-o wiggles when you eat it.

Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?

A1: I don't know, there are some things even a blonde won't do.

A2: Something that when it gives you a blow job, it won't

stop until it gets blood.

Q: Why was the blonde wearing her sunglasses?

A: She was having sunny periods.

Q: What two things in the air can get a blonde pregnant?

A: Her feet!

Q: How can you tell when a blonde is wearing pantyhose?

A: When she farts, her knees bag.

Q: What's the disease that paralyzes blondes below the waist?

A: Marriage.

Q: How is a blonde like a frying pan?

A: You have to get them hot before you put in the meat.

Q: How does a blonde interpret 6.9?

A: A 69 interrupted by a period.

Q: How do you make a blond laugh on Monday mornings ?

A: Tell them a joke on Friday night !

Q: How do you describe the perfect blonde?

A: 3 feet tall, no teeth, and a flat head to rest your beer on.

Q: How do you confuse a blonde?

A: You don't. They're born that way.

Q: Why do blondes hate M&Ms?

A: They're too hard to peel.

Q: How do you drive a blonde crazy?

A: Give her a bag of M&Ms and tell her to alphabetize them.

Q: Why does it work?

A: "Does 3 come before E, between M and W, or at the end?"

Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?

A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.

Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?

A: Proofreading.

Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?

A: For throwing out the W's.

Q: Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID?

A: Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.

Q: Why does a blonde have fur on the hem of her dress?

A: To keep her ankles warm.

Q: How can you tell a blonde had a bad day?

A: Her tampon is behind her ear and she doesn't know what she did with her cigarette.

Q: What does a blonde say after multiple orgasms?

A: Way to go team!

Q: How can you tell if a blonde has a vibrator?

A: By the chipped tooth.

Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense?

A: (I'll tell you tomorrow.)

Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?

A: To keep from bruising their ears.

Q: Why do blondes have vaginas?

A: So guys will talk to them at parties.

Q: Why does the blonde stand in front of a window during a thunder storm?

A: She loves taking pictures (flashes, got it?).

Q: What do you call a blonde with a runny nose?

A: Full.

Q: What does a blonde answer to the question "Are you sexually active?"

A: "No, I just lie there."

Q: What's the first thing a blonde says in the morning?

A: "Thanks, guys..."

Q: What do you call 10 blondes at the bottom of the pool?

A: Air pockets.

Q: What does "Bones" McCoy say before he performs brain surgery on a blonde?

A: "Space. The final frontier......"

Q: How many blondes does it take to screw the entire Bengals team?

A: Just One... Boomer Esiason.

Q: What's brown and red and black and blue?

A: A brunette who's told one too many blonde jokes.

Q: What do you call a brunette and three blondes on a corner?

A: You don't, you see if you've got 3 condoms.

Q: Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer?

A: So she could keep the refrigerator cold.

Q: How did the blonde break her leg playing hockey with the Toronto Maple Leafs?

A: She fell out of the tree.

Q: How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek?

A: One.

Q: Why couldn't the blonde write the number ELEVEN ?

A: She didn't know what ONE came first...

Q: Why don't blondes talk when having sex?

A1: Their mothers told them not to talk to strangers.

A2: Their mothers told them not with their mouths full.

Q: What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone?

A: Divorced.

Q: What do you call a blonde without an asshole?

A: Divorced.

Q: How many blondes does it take to make a circuit?

A: Two, One to stand in the bathtub, and another to pass her the blow dryer!

Q: How is a blonde like a postage stamp?

A: You lick'm, stick'em, and send'em on their way.

Q: How do you describe 3 prostitutes and a blonde?

A: Ho, Ho, Ho, and to all a good night.

Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird?

A: She threw it off a cliff.

Q: How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves?

A: She fell out of the tree.

Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk?

A: The cow fell on her.

Q: How did the blonde burn her nose?

A: Bobbing for french fries.

Q: How can you tell which blonde is the waitress?

A: She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering what she did with her pencil.

Q1: How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?

A: There's white-out on the screen.

Q2: How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?

A: There's writing on the white-out.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?

A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.

Q: What did the blonde think of the new computer?

A: She didn't like it 'cos she couldn't get channel 9....

Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been in your refrigerator?

A: By the lipstick on your cucumbers.

Q: How can you tell if a blonde works in an office?

A: A bed in the stockroom and huge smiles on all the bosses' faces.

Q: How can you tell when a blonde is dating?

A: By the buckle print on her forehead.

Q: How can you tell who is a blonde's boyfriend?

A: He's the one with the belt buckle the matches the impression in her forehead!

Q: How can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries?

A: She has a checkbook.

Q: How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde?

A: There is a stamp on it.

Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?

A: She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a telephone?

A: It costs 30 cents to use a telephone.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a guy?

A: The blonde has the higher sperm count.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and the Panama Canal?

A: The Panama Canal is a busy ditch.

Q: What's the difference between a tribe of pygmies and a blonde track team?

A: The pygmies are a bunch of cunning runts.

Q: What is the difference between a crazy fighting hockey player and a blonde?

A: He is fussy by nature and would go to any length to get a puck.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a trampoline?

A: You take off your shoes before using a trampoline.

Q: What's the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac, and a blonde?

A: The prostitute says "Aren't you done yet?"

The nympho says "Are you done already?"

The blonde says "Beige...I think I'll paint the ceiling beige."

Q: What's the difference between Indiana and a blonde?

A: A blonde has larger hills and deeper valleys.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush?

A: You don't let your best friend borrow your toothbrush.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and your job?

A: Your job still sucks after 6 months.

Q: What's the difference between a blond having her period and a terrorist?

A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.

Q: What is the difference between a blond and a toilet?

A: A toilet won't follow you around after you use it.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a rooster?

A: In the morning a rooster says, "Cock'll-doodl-doooo", while a blonde says, "Any-cock'll-doooo."

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a limousine?

A: Not everybody has been in a limo.

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?

A1: You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball.

A2: You can't fit the blonde in the bowling ball.

A3: There is no difference. They're both round and have three holes to poke.

A4: You don't eat your bowling ball

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and the Grand Old Duke of York?

A: The Grand Old Duke of York only 'had' 10000 men.

Q: What's the difference between a pit bull and a blonde with PMS?

A: Lipstick.

Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?

A: You can park in the handicap zone.

Q: Why is a blonde like a turtle?

A: They both get fucked up when they're on their back.

Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?

A: It takes too long to retrain them.

Q: Why does NASA hire peroxide blondes?

A: They're doing research on black holes.

Q: Why does a blonde insist on him wearing a condom?

A: So she can have a doggie bag for later.

Q: Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month?

A: Because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds."

Q: Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids?

A1: So they know if it is morning or afternoon.

A2: So that when they're on the train they can tell

if they're going to work or coming home.

Q: Why do men like blonde jokes??

A: Because they can understand them.

Q: Why do blondes like lightning?

A: They think someone is taking their picture.

Q: Why do all blondes all have a dimple on their chin and a flat forehead?

A: Finger on chin-I don't know. Hits forehead-Oh I get it!

Q: Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces?

A: From eating with forks.

Q: Why do blondes have more fun?

A: Because they don't know any better.

*A: They are easier to keep amused.

Q: Why do blonde's find it difficult to marry?

A: Because you don't have to marry them for sex!

Q: Why do blondes have legs?

A1: So they don't get stuck to the ground.

A2: To get between the bedroom and the kitchen.

A3: So they don't leave trails, like little snails.

Q: Why do blondes have two more brain cells than a cow?

A: So that when you pull their tits, they don't moo.

A2: So they don't shit everywhere when you pull their tits.

Q: Why do blondes drive BMWs?

A: Because they can spell it.

Q: Why do blonde girls have trouble achieving orgasm?

A: *Who cares?*

Q: Why do blondes have periods?

A: They deserve them

Q: Why do blondes have big bellybuttons?

A: From dating blonde men.

Q: Why do blondes wear tampons?

A: Because crabs like Bungie Jumping too.

Q: Why do blondes drive VW's

A: Because they can't spell PORSCHE!!

Q: Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails?

A: To cover up the valve stem.

Q: Why do blondes have square boobs?

A: Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box.

Q: Why do Blondes take the pill?

A: So they know what day of the week it is.

Q: But why do brunettes take the pill ?

A: Wishful Thinking.

Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shoes?

A: Toes go in first.

Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shirts?

A: Tits go in front.

Q: Why do blondes like tilt steering?

A: More head room.

Q: Why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs?

A: More leg room.

Q: Why do blondes have orgasms ?

A: So they know when to stop having sex !

Q: Why do blondes wear underwear?

A: They make good ankle warmers.

Q: Why do Blondes like the GST? (GST -- Goods and Services Tax

now in effect in Canada)

A: Because they can spell it.

Q: What is 74 to a blonde?

A: 69 plus G.S.T.

Q: Why do blondes wear green lipstick?

A: Because red means stop.

Q: Why do blondes wear red lipstick?

A: Because red means "Stop, wrong hole."

Q: Why do blondes wear hoop earrings?

A: They have to have some place to rest their ankles.

Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?

A: Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!

Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up?

A: To catch as much as they can that is over their heads.

Q: Why don't blondes double recipes?

A: The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.

Q: Why don't blondes make good pharmacists?

A: They can't get the bottle into the typewriter.

Q: Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency?

A1: They can't remember the number.

A2: She can't find the number 11 on the telephone buttons.

Q: Why do blondes always die before help arrives?

A: They always forget the "11" in "9-1-1".

Q: Why don't blondes eat bananas?

A: They can't find the zipper.

Q: Why don't blondes in San Francisco wear short black mini

skirts?

A: Cause their balls show!

Q: Why don't blondes breast feed?

A: Because they always burn their nipples.

Q: Why don't blondes use vibrators?

A: They chip their teeth.

Q: Why don't blondes eat Jell-O?

A: They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into

those little packages.

Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles?

A: Because they can't get their head in the jar.

Q: What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?

A1: Introduces themselves.

A2: Walks home.

Q: What's the first thing a blonde does after sex?

A: Opens the car door.

Q: What is the worst thing about sex with a blond?

A: Bucket seats.

Q: What important question does a blonde ask his/her mate

before having sex?

A: Do you want this by the hour, or the flat rate?

Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?

A1: "What's a lightbulb?"

A2: One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.

A3: Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaady!"

Q: What's a blonde's favorite wine?

A: "Daaaady, I want to go to Miaaami!"

Q: What is the difference between a blond and a 747?

A: Not everyone has been in a 747

Q: What do you call a blonde touching her toes?

A: A brunette with bad breath.

Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up?

A: The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde.

A2: None of them, two don't exist and the dumb blonde thought it was a gum wrapper.

Q: If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the ground first?

A: The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.

Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimer's disease?

A: Her IQ goes up!

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a Porsche?

A: You don't lend the Porsche out to your friend.

Q: What is the difference between butter and a blonde?

A: Butter is difficult to spread.

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and "The Titanic"?

A: They know how many men went down on "The Titanic".

Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?

A: Bigfoot has been spotted.

Q: Why is a washing machine better than a blonde?

A: Because you can drop your load in a washing machine, and it

won't follow you around for a week.

Q: What do you say to a blonde with no arms and no legs?

A: "Nice tits!"

Q: What does a blonde make best for dinner?

A: Reservations.

Q: What do blondes do with their assholes in the morning?

A: Pack their lunch and send them to work.

Q: What does a blonde say when she gives birth?

A: Gee, Are you sure it's mine?

Q: What do blondes and cow-pats have in common?

A: They both get easier to pick-up with age.

Q: What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is on?

A: It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off.

Q: What does a peroxide blonde and a 747 have in common?

A1: They both have a black box.

A2: Both have a cockpit.

Q: What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts?

A: Change.

Q: What does a blonde say if you blow in his/her ear?

A: "Thanks for the refill!"

Q: What do blondes do after they comb their hair?

A: They pull up their pants.

Q: What do you call a skeleton in the closet with blonde hair?

A: Last years hide and go seek winner.

Q: What do you call a basement full of blondes?

A: A whine cellar.

Q: What do you call five blondes at the bottom of the pool?

A: Air bubbles.

Q: What do you call a room full of women, half with PMS, half with yeast infections?

A: A whine and cheese party!

Q: What do you call 3 blondes, a chimp, and another blonde standing on a street corner?

A: 4 f*cks, 4 f*cks, 4 f*cks, not for a zillion f*cks, 4 f*cks!

Q: What do you call a blonde lesbian?

A: A waste.

Q: What do you call 4 blondes lying on the ground?

A: An air mattress.

Q: What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?

A: An Air Bag.

Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?

A: A mental block.

Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?

A: A wind tunnel.

Q: What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?

A: A dope ring.

Q: What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW?

A: Divorcee'

Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?

A: Pregnant.

Q: What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher

learning?

A: A visitor.

Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?

A: Gifted!

Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar on the top of their head?

A: All you can eat, under a buck.

Q: What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?

A: An interpreter.

Q: What do you call a blond with a bag of sugar on her head ?

A: Sweet Fuck All...

Q: What do you call a swimming pool full of blondes?

A: Frosted Flakes.

Q: What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?

A: Frosted Flakes.

Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?

A: A Space Invader.

Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?

A: Branch Manager.

Q: What do you call a smart blond?

A1: A golden retriever.

A2: An indicator of a really bad hangover.

Q: What do you call two nuns and a blonde?

A: Two tight ends and a wide receiver.

Q: What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?

A: The back of her head.

Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde and a gorilla?

A: Who knows, there is only so much a gorilla can be forced to do...

Q: What do you call a hooker and four blondes?

A: Regular price, four bucks, four bucks, four bucks, four bucks.

Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?

A: Artificial intelligence.

Q: What do a blonde and your computer have in common?

A: You don't know how much either of them mean to you until they go down on you.

Q: What do you do when a blonde throes a hand grenade at you?

A: Pull the pin and throw it back.

Q: What do a bowling ball and a blonde have in common?

A: chances are they'll both end up in the gutter.

Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?

A: Her ankles.

Q: What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in?

A: "Have another beer."

Q: What do Blondes say after sex?

A1: Thanks Guys.

A2: Are you boys all in the same band?

A3: Do you guys all play for the (..............)? insert team name here.

Q: What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear?

A: "Thanks for the refill!"

Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?

A: The more you bang it the looser it gets.

Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?

A: They're both empty from the neck up.

Q: What do blondes and spaghetti have in common?

A: They both wriggle when you eat them.

Q: What do peroxide blondes and black men have in common?

A: They both have black roots.

Q: What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?

A: The back of her head.

Q: What does a blonde owl say?

A: What, what?

Q: What do you call a zit on a blonde's ass?

A: A brain tumor.

Q: What do you get when you turn 3 blondes upside-down?

A: Two brunettes.

Q: What do a blonde and President Gorbachev have in common?

A: They both got fucked by 10 men whilst on holiday.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and President Gorbachev?

A: He knows who the ten men were.

Q: How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies?

A1: 10. One to mix the dough and nine to peel the smarties.

A2: Three...one to mix the batter and two to squeeze the rabbit.

Q: What did the blonde's mum say to her before the blonde's date.

A: If you're not in bed by 12, come home.

Q: What's the Blonde's cheer?

A: " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well..I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."

Q: Why did the blonde cross the road?

A: Never mind that! What was she doing out of the bedroom?!?

R: I don't know.

A: Neither did she.

Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?

A: To see what was on the other side.

Q: Why did the blonde have a sore navel?

A: Because her boyfriend was also blond!

Q: Why did they stop doing the "WAVE" at BYU?

A: Too many blondes were drowning.

Q: Why did Bush want to send blondes with PMS over to Iraq?

A: They're mad enough to kill and they can retain water.

Q: Why did the blonde fail at being a prostitute?

A: Because she gave blow-jobs literally.

Q: Why did the blonde smile when she walked the marriage aisle?

A: She realized she gave her last blowjob.

Q: Why do blondes give such good blowjobs?

A: Because that's what they train for all their lives.

Q: Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?

A: So her male would get delivered to the right box.

Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?

A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".

Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?

A: In case she locks the keys in her car.

Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?

A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.

Q: Why did the deaf blonde sit on a newspaper?

A: So she could lip read.

Q: Why did God create blondes?

A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.

Q: Why did God create brunettes?

A: Neither could the blondes.

Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?

A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.

Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?

A: To turn the blinker off.

Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?

A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.

Q: Why did the blonde scale the glass wall?

A: To see what was on the other side.

Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veterinarian?

A: Because she loved children.

Q: Why did the blond take her typewriter to the doctor ??

A: She thought it was pregnant because missed a period.

Q: Why did they call the blond Twinkie?

A: She liked to be filled with cream.

Q: Why did the blonde go half way to Norway and then turn around and come home?

A: It took her that long to discover that a 14 inch Viking was a television.

Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?

A: She'd just dyed her hair.

Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?

A: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.

Q: Why did the blonde stop using the pill?

A: Because it kept falling out.

Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?

A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.

Q: Why aren't there many blonde gymnasts?

A: Because when they do the splits, they stick to the floor.

Q: Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID?

A: Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.

Q: How can you tell a blonde had a bad day?

A: Her tampon is behind her ear and she doesn't know what she did with her cigarette.

Q: What does a blonde say after multiple orgasms?

A: Way to go team!

Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense?

A: (I'll tell you tomorrow.)

Q: How do you confuse a blonde?

A: Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.

Q: Why does it work?

A: "Does 3 come before E, between M and W, or at the end?"

Q: Why did the blonde call the welfare office?

A: She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!

Q: What is the blonde's favorite potato chip?

A: Free-to-lay (Frito-Lay).

Q: What is the blonde's favorite battery?

A: Ever-ready.

Q: What is the connection between a blonde and a halogen headlamp?

A: They both get screwed on the front of a Ford Escort.

Q: What do you call it when a blonde gets taken over by a demon?

A: A vacant possession.

Q: What does a blonde answer to the question "Are you sexually active?"

A: "No, I just lie there."

Q: How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek?

A: One.

Q: Why couldn't the blonde write the number ELEVEN ?

A: She didn't know what ONE came first...

Q: Why don't blondes talk when having sex?

A1: Their mothers told them not to talk to strangers.

A2: Their mothers told them not with there mouths full.

Q: What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone?

A: Divorced.

Q: What do you call a blonde without an asshole?

A: Divorced.

Q: How many blondes does it take to make a circuit?

A: Two, One to stand in the bathtub, and another to pass her the blow dryer!

Q: How is a blonde like a postage stamp?

A: You lick'm, stick'em, and send'em on their way.

Q: How do you describe 3 prostitutes and a blonde?

A: Ho, Ho, Ho, and to all a good night.

Q: Why did the blonde fail her drivers license ?

A: She wasn't used to the front seat!

Q: Why did she finally pass her test?

A: She took the examiner with her

Q: Did you hear about the blond skydiver?

A: She missed the Earth!

Q: What do a moped and a blond have in common?

A: They're both fun to ride until a friend sees you on one.

Q: How do you know when a blonde's been in your fridge?

A: Lipstick on the cucumbers!

Q: What do a blonde and an instant lottery ticket have in common?

A: All you have to do is scratch the box to win

Q: Why are blondes so sexually promiscuous?

A: Who cares

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and an inflatable doll?

A: About 2 cans of hair spray

Q: What's the quickest way to get into a blondes pants?

A: Pick them up off the floor

Q: What did the Blonde get on her A.C.T.?

A: Nail polish!

Q: What did the blonde say when she tried driving stick for the first time?

A: "How do you shift this thing?" (you make jacking off motions)

Q: Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?

A: The vegetable garden.

Q: How many blondes does it take to play tag?

A: One.

Q: What's the difference between a lesbian finger-fucking a blonde and a Schwinn at the side of the road?

A: One's a bike in a ditch, and the other's . . . .

Q: What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagen?

A: Far-from-thinkin

Q: Why don't they let Blondes swim in the ocean?

A: Because they can't get the smell out of the tuna.

Q: What happened to the blonde tap dancer?

A: She slipped off and fell down the drain.

Q: Why do blondes occupy about 90% of the net bandwidth?

A: Because they keep accidentally deleting their copies of the Blonde Joke List.

Q: What is the irritating part around a blonde's vagina?

A1: The Blonde!

A2: The other guys waiting their turn.

Q: What did the blonde say when asked if she'd ever been picked up by 'the fuzz'?

A: 'No. But I've been swung around by the tits.'

Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?

A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!"

Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?

A: Spot.

Q: What's a blondes' favorite rock group?

A: Air Supply.

Q: What's black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling ?

A: A blond electrician

Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?

A1: So brunettes can remember them.

A2: Because blondes are so SHALLOW a long joke wouldn't fit.

Q: Why wasn't the Virgin Mary a blonde ????

A: She wouldn't have been old enough to bear children!

Q: Why are blondes hurt by peoples words?

A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.

Q: What did the blonde do when she got her period?

A: Looked around for the bastard that must have shot her?

Q: Why are blondes like cornflakes ?

A: Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.

Q: Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?

A: They keep breaking them with the hammers.

Q: What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?

A: Perri-air

Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote?

A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.

Q: When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?

A: When you have a tire pump to reinflate it!

Q: What is a blonde's favorite part of a gas station?

A: The Air Pump!

Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?

A: Because she got an F in sex.

Q: Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?

A: She missed.

Q: Why are there no dumb brunettes?

A: Peroxide.

Q: What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg.

A: Nothing - they've never met.

Q: What is the blonde's chronic speech impediment?

A: She can't say "No".

Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear?

A: Data transfer.

Q: What's the difference between a Blonde and a Supermarket Trolley.

A: A supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.

Q: Why can't blondes be cattle ranchers?

A: They can't keep their calves together!

Q: What was the blond psychic's greatest achievement?

A: An IN-body experience!

Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?

A: After a dye job.

Q: What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?

A: Humpme Dumpme.

Q: What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her nametag) ?

A: "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one ?"

Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?

A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.

Q: Why are there lip stick stains on the steering wheel after a blonde drives a car?

A: Cause she blows the horn!!!!!

Q: Why is a blonde like a door knob?

A: 'Cause everybody gets a turn.

Q: Why is a blonde like railroad tracks?

A: 'Cause she's been laid all over the country.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?

A: She kept having affairs with men!

Q: What does a blonde do if she is not in bed by 10?

A: She picks up her purse and goes home.

Q: Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?

A: The vegetable garden.

Q: How many blondes does it take to play tag?

A: One.

Q: Why do blondes occupy about 90% of the net bandwidth?

A: Because they keep accidentally deleting their copies of the Blonde Joke List.

Q: Why did the blonde call the welfare office?

A: She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!

Q: What is the blonde's favorite potato chip?

A: Free-to-lay (Frito-Lay).

Q: What is the blonde's favorite battery?

A: Ever-ready.

Q: What do you call it when a blonde gets taken over by a demon?

A: A vacant possession.

Q: If an blonde and a brunette jumped off a bridge, who would die first?

A: The brunette -- because the blonde would have to stop and ask for directions.

Q: To a blonde, what is long and hard?

A: Grade 4.

Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?

A: 144 blondes.

Q: Why is 68 the maximum speed for blondes?

A: Because at 69 they blow a rod...

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator?

A: A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull your meat out of it.

Q: Why aren't blondes good cattle herders?

A: Because they can't even keep two calves together!

Q: Why are blondes hurt by people's words?

A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.

Q: What did the blonde say to the physicist?

A: "Why, I just love nuclear fission! What do you use for bait?"

Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?

A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".

Q: Why won't they hire a blonde pharmacist?

A: They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.

Q: What is the definition of the perfect woman?

A: A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a pub.

Q: Why is a blonde like an old washing machine?

A: They both drip when they're fucked.

Q: How would a blond punctuate the following?: "Fun fun fun worry worry worry"

A: Fun period fun period fun NO PERIOD worry worry worry!

Q: Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?

A: It swells at night.

Q: A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm.

She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?"

A: The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"

Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.

A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

Q: What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?

A: Locking the car door.

Q: Why did the blonde keep failing her driver's test?

A: Because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back seat.

Q: What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?

A: She moved.

Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?

A: A blonde parade.

Q: Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?

A: They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car?