What did the Queen say when she heard Princess Diana died in a car wreck?

Was Fergie with her?

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Prince Charles was out early the other day walking the dog. When a passer-by said "Morning", Charles said "No, just walking the dog."

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What's the Queen giving Fergie for Christmas?

A trip to Paris, dinner at the Ritz, and a chauffeur-driven Mercedes.

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What did Princess Di say to Dodi after he gave her the Ring?

Aren't we moving a bit too fast?

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Why did Elton John sing at the funeral?

Because he's the only queen who cares.

By the way, Elton John is now set to make a tribute record for Mother Teresa... 'Sandals in the Bin'

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What was the last thing Di said to Dodi?

'These paparazzi are driving me up the wall'

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What does Diana's bumper sticker say?

My other car's a decoy.

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What is the difference between leeches and the paparazzi?

Leeches fall off after you die.

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What did the French mortuary attendant say when he got the body bags?

Zip-a-dee Dodi, Zip-a-dee Di.

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Why did Diana want to die?

She wanted to be the first to see Versace's 98 collection.

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What were Di's last words?

Leave me alone, I'm a bloody Princess!

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Why did Di die?

Because Mercedes bends.

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When the people at the Ritz asked Princess Di if she wanted a room for the night she said, "No,I'm gonna crash with my boyfriend"

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Why was Lady Di's death a tragedy?

Because the rest of the Royal Family wasn't in the car with her

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It's just another example of Franco/German anti-British collaboration that has been going on since 1914. Surely it's no coincidence that the world's best-loved Englishwoman was killed by a drunken Frenchman driving a German tank.

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Did you hear about the new fairy tale for kids that's replacing the Cinderella and carriage story?

It's about Diana at midnight. She turns into a pillar.