A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the
burglar who had broken into his house the night before.

"You'll get your chance in court." said the Desk Sergeant.

"No, no no !" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the
house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for
years!"

Here's another oldie...

A Gay man finally decided he could no longer hide his sexuality
from his parents, so he went over to their house and found his
mother in the kitchen cooking dinner.

He sat down at the kitchen table, let out a big sigh, and said,
"Mom, I have something to tell you, I'm gay."

His mother made no reply or gave any response, and the guy was
about to repeat it to make sure she'd heard him, when she turned
away from the pot she was stirring and said calmly, "You're gay,
doesn't that mean that men put their penises into your anus?"

"Yes mom they do."

"And you put other men's penises in your mouth?"

He says nervously, "Uh, yeah, Mom, I do."

His mother went back to stirring the pot, then suddenly whirled
around, and whacked him over the head with a frying pan and said,
"Don't you dare complain about the taste of my cooking ever
again!"