A man was about to tee off on the golf course when he felt a tap
on his shoulder and a man handed him a card that read "I am a
deaf mute. May I play through, please?"

The first man angrily gave the card back, and communicated that
"No, he may NOT play through, and that his aandicap did not give
him such a right."

He then teed up his ball, and with a mighty swing of his pitching
wedge lobbed the ball right on the green for a par 3. Just as he
was about to put the ball into the hole he was hit in the head
with a golf ball, laying him out cold.

When he came to a few minutes later, he looked around & saw the
deaf mute sternly looking at him, one hand on his hip, the other
hand holding up 4 fingers.

These two eggs had just been married and were on their honeymoon.

While they were sitting on the bed making out, the female egg
pushed the male egg away and said "I just have to go to the
bathroom. I'll be back in a minute." and off she went.

Five minutes later the male egg saw his sexy wife walk out in a
slinky egglige, wiping her hands up and down her smooth, ovally
body.

Instantly, the male egg slapped his hands on the top of his head,
covering it completely. The female egg looked at him and asked
what he was doing.

He replied, "The last time I was this hard, someone cracked me on
the head with a spoon!"