An elderly gentleman was not feeling too well and went to his
doctor who asked him a few questions and determined the old
gentleman was probably just constipated.

The doctor handed the old man a little bottle of suppositories
and said, "Put one of these in your rectum every morning and come
back and see me in a week."

A week later the old man returned and told the doctor he wasn't
feeling one bit better. The doctor asked," Did you put a
suppository in your rectum each morning as I told you?"

The old man replied, "Well, we didn't have no rectum so I put
them in my Postum and for all the good they done me I might as
well shoved them up my ass!"

Here's a classic...

It was another Payday, and I was tired of being a Mr. Goodbar. 
So I saw Miss Hershey standing behind the Powerhouse on the
corner of Clark and Fifth Avenue, and I whipped out my Whopper
and whispered, "Hey Sweetart, how'd you like to Krunch on my Big
Hunk for Hundred Thousand Dollar Bar?"

Well, she immediately went down on my Tootsie Roll, and Uno, it
was like pure Almond Joy. I couldn't help but grab her delicious
Mounds 'cause it was easy to see this little Twix had the Red
Hots. It was all I could do to hold back a Snicker and a Krackle
as my Butterfinger went up her tight little Kit Kat and she
started to scream: "Oh Henry, Oh Henry!"

Soon she was fondling my Peter Paul and Zagnuts and I knew it
wouldn't be long before I blew my Milkduds clear to Mars and gave
her taste of the old Milky Way.

She asked if I was into M & M but I said, "Hey Chicklet, no kinky
stuff" -- and then I said, "Look, you little Reese's Pieces! 
Don't be a Zero, be a Lifesaver. Why don't you just take my
Whatchamacallit and slip it up your Bit O'Honey?" (and oh, but,
what a piece of Juicyfruit she was, too).

She screamed, "Oh Crackerjack, you're better than the Three
Musketeers!" as I rammed my Ding Dong up her Rocky Road and into
her Peanut Butter Cup.

Well, I was givin' it to her Good 'n' Plenty when, all of a
sudden,,,,,my Starburst. As luck would have it, she started to
grow a bit Chunky and complained of a Wrigley in her stomach.

Sure enough, nine months later,

Out popped a Baby Ruth.