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What's the definition of an accountant?
Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in
a way you don't understand.
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What's the definition of a good tax accountant?
Someone who has a loophole named after him.
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When does a person decide to become an accountant? When he realizes he
doesn't have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker.
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What does an accountant use for birth control?
His personality.
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What's an extroverted accountant?
One who looks at your shoes while he's talking to you
instead of his own.
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What's an auditor?
Someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all
the wounded.
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Why did the auditor cross the road?
Because he looked in the file and that's what they did
last year.
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There are three kinds of accountants in the world.
Those who can count and those who can't.
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What's an accountant's idea of trashing his hotel room?
Refusing to fill out the guest comment card.
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How do you drive an accountant completely insane? Tie him to a chair,
stand in front of him and fold up a road map the wrong way.
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What's the most wicked thing a group of young accountants can do?
Go into town and gang-audit someone.
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What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't?
Depreciation.
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An accountant is someone who knows the cost of
everything and the value of nothing
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An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor.
"Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night."
"Have you tried counting sheep?"
"That's the problem - I make a mistake and then spend
three hours trying to find it."
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